How to Handle Fear of Rejection
Photo by Jaqueline Fritz on Unsplash
I’ve been working on a story recently that I’m diving back into after months away. It can be good to take a break from a piece of work, of course; you need that distance to be able to see its good points and weak points more clearly.
But it hit me that I really meant to finish this thing last year. And I could absolutely have done it. I’ve allowed it to linger far longer than originally planned. Why? To be honest, it’s fear of failure. What if I write it and nobody wants it? What if it’s not good enough?
Writers have to battle this fear of failure with every project. I don’t know anyone who “gets over it” and never worries about failure again. Well, maybe Steven King or some such other super-prolific author. But for the majority of us, our past failures haunt us. I realized I was dragging my feet, not really wanting to finish and then have to send my work out for judgement.
Of course, I don’t have to send it out anywhere. I can write for myself, and never let anyone else see it. But that’s not truly what I want. I have to take the risk, and hope for the best. And if it isn’t accepted as-is, I’ll have to figure out what to do next.
But I don’t want to imply that we should all “suck it up, buttercup.” Suppressing our hurt doesn’t help - it just drives it deeper, where it festers in the darkness, unconsciously influencing what we write, when we write - or even if we write at all.
It comes back to developing the right mindset. Learning to handle failure and fear of rejection well means learning to think about it in new ways.
If your work is rejected, it doesn’t mean you are rejected. I know, it feels deeply personal. But learning to separate yourself from your work is a necessary step in making your work public.
Just because this project isn’t good enough right now, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough, or that your work can’t be better. Maybe you jumped too soon, and sent it out before it was ready. It’s easy to get impatient, especially if it’s something we’ve poured our heart into for a long time. But again, it’s not a judgement on you, or your ultimate ability. You can always improve as a writer. You can go back to a project and keep making it better, especially if you have people you trust who can give you specific, actionable feedback.
Maybe it is very good, and it just hit at the wrong time, or hit the wrong people. Just because it got rejected doesn't mean it isn’t good. There are dozens of reasons why something might get rejected. The market for that topic or trope is saturated. The agent just acquired something too similar. An agent loved it but doesn’t think she can sell it to an editor. The audience is too niche for that particular publisher to take a chance on it. The idea is great, but you don’t have a platform big enough to interest a publisher. The agent who read it was really hungry and was thinking more about lunch than your query (or has just had a fight with their significant other and are in a terrible mood). You may have just missed a big trend – or be too early for one. And so on. Good stuff gets passed on every day. Terrible writing gets published. It’s not necessarily a judgement on quality.
One great question to ask is: Was it a failure of expectation or execution? We all have high hopes for our books, but sometimes our expectations are simply not going to hold up in the face of reality. Did you make assumptions about your audience? Or the popularity of your topic? Or about the publishing world? Or is it, in fact, not quite where it needs to be in terms of craft? Did it not live up to the promise of the original idea? It’s worth asking yourself this question, because it reframes the challenges in new ways.
What lessons can you learn from rejection? It’s rare these days to get direct, actionable feedback from an agent or editor. It can be difficult to know exactly why your work is being rejected. But if you are getting feedback, from any source, you can take a look at what is being said, and how many people are agreeing on it. Also, check in with your gut. What were your intentions? How well did you meet them? Sometimes you get feedback that takes the story in a completely different direction. It’s up to you whether you make those changes, or stick to your original vision.
One thing you always have control over is what path you take when you really feel a project has failed. You can say farewell to it, thank it for the lessons it taught you, and move on. Or you can decide to pivot in a way that keeps you moving forward. Having a mindset where you are committed to continually improving in your writing craft, and in your publishing knowledge, goes a long way to persevering in your writing career.
If you say farewell, I strongly suggest you actually write down the lessons learned. Take your time, reviewing the project from beginning to end. Appreciate all the skills and knowledge you’ve acquired in this process. Acknowledge that you may come back to this project in the future. Looking at number 4 above, maybe it just wasn’t the right time for this particular story to shine. Or maybe your skills haven’t yet developed enough to tell it the way you want to. Allow yourself to grieve if you need to – but remind yourself that you will find another fantastic idea, and your writing will be even better.
If you decide to pivot, think hard about this new journey. What steps do you need to take? What do you need to learn? What can you do differently to have a better chance at success? Here’s another place where a “lessons learned” audit can be beneficial. You can tally what you’ve learned up to this point. What do you need to do to feel excited about this new stage in your journey?
Remember, the only things you have control over are the work you do, and the attitude you have toward it. You can’t control other people’s reactions, or how the marketplace will respond. Rejection is a part of the game. It is not a final judgement on your talent or ability.
And the only true failure is giving up.
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