How to Avoid Pronoun Overload
We’re always told to write our characters with interiority. And it’s true, readers need to know a character’s thoughts. In most cases, at least in modern fiction, readers want to be inside the character’s head, knowing what they know, feeling what they feel.
Knowing this brings characters to life in an authentic way. However, this doesn’t mean an endless stream-of-consciousness (unless you’re James Joyce) or random thoughts popping up here and there.
How to keep this interesting and relevant to the reader? Of course, the content of the thoughts themselves are the primary concern. Are they relevant to the situation at hand? Or memories evoked by the situation? Do they show the character’s personality? Do they show a difference between what the character thinks and what they say and do?
Interiority is one of the best ways to create a character that is fascinating to the reader.
Of course, this is easier said than done. It takes time to develop your craft to the point where you can do it effectively.
One problem that often arises when people attempt to do this is an overuse of pronouns. This is especially true in 1st person, but can also happen in 3rd person.
“I wasn’t sure if I should trust Deanna. I’d heard her talking about other coworkers behind their backs, telling secrets I’m sure they would never want the whole office to know. But I wasn’t sure who else would believe me.”
That’s a whole lot of “I” statements, right? A whole book written like that would get boring fast. Replace “I” with “she” as a narrative point of view, and the same thing happens.
Now try with more indirect use of the pronouns:
“Trust Deanna? Yeah, right. She talked about other coworkers behind their backs, telling secrets they would never want the whole office to know. But who else would believe me?”
Again, it also works in 3rd: “Trust Deanna? Yeah, right. She talked about other coworkers behind their backs, telling secrets they would never want the whole office to know. But, Susan thought, who else would believe me?” In this case, you may have to make sure the pronouns are matched to the right people. Otherwise you really do have too many “shes” and force your reader to figure out who is who.
It also helps eliminate those filler words that get in between the reader and the character.
“I wondered whether Dan was smart enough to figure it out.”
This becomes: “Was Dan smart enough to figure it out?” Or better, “Dan wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the tool shed.” Someone who mixes their metaphors - on purpose or not - gives a clue to the reader about the character’s own intelligence.
This kind of pronoun elimination is a late-stage line editing task. And it’s also something you naturally get better at doing in earlier drafts as your overall craft improves. It’s a terrific way to show character and draw the reader in.
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